Soumitri Hota

"A few of my classmates teased me as 'transgender' in Tamil. That was the 12th of November '17. I was stressed, frustrated and decided to take a stand for myself and come out. I gave a call to my parents and told them I was Gay. 

I am Soumitri, 23 years old, out and proud, gay and different in every way! I hail from a Brahmin family in Puri, one of the holy places or known as 'Dham' according to the Hindu mythology, where Lord Shri Jagannatha, the 10th incarnation of Lord Vishnu, resides. 

I belong to Bhubaneswar, the Temple City. I was admitted to Kendriya Vidyalaya, which is also called mini India school. I was a  care-free, cheerful, studious and happy student . 

My first touch with homosexuality was when I was 12 years old, by a new student who had just joined my class. His touch felt something different, sitting in the back bench of our class, the touch got engrossed every day.

I was a child, unaware of the facts and fictions. Every single day, for 13 years, I was bullied and eve teased for my name (as faminine as it sounds), for my posture, for who I am. I was called Swamistri (Husband-wife), Chakka (Transgender) and the list goes on. I was effeminate and used to talk very politely. Being bullied as a child- it was just unbearable for me. I tried complaining to my teachers; was told that it was all my fault. In India, teachers are considered next to God and so, I thought maybe I should correct myself. I tried hard, very hard to change myself because I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night for what I was going through. 

You might think why didn’t I complain to my parents.. Well, belonging to a middle-class family, my parents' main concern was to get me educated. This was why I never got into any fights or raised voice because I had this constant fear that if my parents come to know about it, even though I won’t be guilty, I will still be blamed for it . 

One time, after the summer break, when I was in 7th standard, there was this tall, lean, fair guy whom I was seeing for the first time in my class. I was dumbstruck seeing this guy. My school was screening 'Taare Zameen Par' for us. I was sitting on the ground and to my surprise, this new guy was sitting just behind me. I was completely into the movie and I cried by the end of it, and he hugged me and said it's okay and asked if I wanted join him to the washroom. I agreed. As we entered the empty washroom, he suddenly kissed me. I was kissing a guy for the first time and started liking it more. Few days later, I got to hear that I had tried kissing him first and the rumor spread like wild fire in the school and it became my worst nightmare. 

Nature helped me a lot to get through all these; it gave me strength and power to cope with this bloody world. I soon started experimenting with boys by creating fake profiles on Facebook, then PR and later on Grindr.

Years passed, I completed my schooling and came to Chennai for my UG studies. In my 1st year, I used to stay in the Boys' Hostel. I started exploring myself and realised that I was GAY. It was hard. I used to blame God asking "Why me" and used to cry a lot for the same.

It took me a hell lot of time, research and self-realization, to accept myself as GAY because I was left alone and scared to talk about it. One day, I came out to one of my classmates and he supported me so positively; it was like for the first time, I was accepted for being myself and was smiling for what I am. 

Then in my second year of college, I came out to my only roommate and even he accepted the way I am; he even helped me in dating, dressing up, flirting and lot more. Then that particular year I came to all my dearest friends and they all accepted the fact; I didn’t even lose a single one of them. In my third year, I decided to ultimately come out of the closet and tell my parents. I got scared and after canceling on it numerous time, on November 12, suddenly I called my parents and came out with no prior preparation and they surprisingly accepted me and advised me to focus on my career. Soon I came out to whole world. I was the only openly, out and proud GAY in my college; some accepted me and some didn't.

Currently, I'm pursuing my Masters from Bhubaneshwar and by God's grace, I'm blessed with friends, peers and faculty that see me for who I was afraid to be but not anymore." -Soumitri Hota

Himanshi Sharma

"I had my share of troubled childhood, which I had a tough time dealing with. I wasn’t good at academics, but I took part in every extra-curricular activity that happened in my school, which acted as an outlet for me. My family and some specific friends from school have always been a pillar of support for me, starting from the days when I used to stress over not being good enough at academics to struggling with anxiety since the past few years. People from my school still ask when did I venture into the field of art. The fact that no one back in school knew how much I was into art made me feel that academics is what matters the most and hence, forcing me to choose Maths over Art.

These last few years have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I was in a toxic relationship.I had given it my all.My family was so attached to him, but things became worse when he started verbally and physically abusing me. Every time he blamed me, I believed that the problem was me being unaware of the fact that he was gaslighting me. The major low was, when I came to know that he had cheated on me with a number of people all these years. I broke down because I don’t think it is normal for a human to mess up someone this way.Things were difficult but throughout this Art has always been a saviour and my escape.A lot of people ask me how did I suddenly start my journey into the world of Art, but, what they don’t know is that the among the few moments I felt alive throughout my life, most of them were when I was painting. Breakup and moving on are not just words. Honestly, it gets hard when someone becomes your family and feels like home, but makes you feel like trash at a point.Well, life changes and mine did too because of such a beautiful family and a bunch of crazy friends who’ve helped me through so much,the people who’ve seen me laugh like crazy,cry like anything and deal with anxiety. 

Art is just not a hobby for me. It is what makes me believe in the beauty of life despite it all. I would like to tell everyone not to have doubt about themselves for anything and when it comes to Art, even one brush stroke matters.Art is another name to freedom.Keep creating.💙"

 -Himanshi Sharma.

Alka Rath and Rohith Srivastava

"I am a Josephite and he is a Stewartonian. 2005 batch. When I was in the 10th standard, I had heard a lot about him. Almost everyone used to talk about this guy called ‘Rohit Srivastava- the house captain’. I had never met or talked with him. But somewhere, I had this feeling that I have to meet this guy about whom the birds kept chirping. Coincidentally, we joined the same college, Stewart Science college. However, our first meeting is not quite reflective of our current bond, because he had a girlfriend then. I had a hard crush on him right from our first day, which in turn made me drop ample hints for him to know my feelings. Eventually, he came to know about them and he, being a big-time ‘phulei’, continued consuming all the attention that I was giving him. By this time, he had moved on from his then relationship. We became good friends and hanged out numerous times, as friends.

Then came the time, when we had this huge fight. The fight created a gap between us. I moved to Bhubaneswar to pursue my MBBS and he went down south for his Engineering. For one complete year, we hadn't been on talking terms. 

19th December 2008- it was my birthday that day when I got a call from him. I was so ecstatic and happy and I was surprised he remembered my birthday. Turned out, he had called me out of the blue, completely unaware of the occasion. That one random call led us back to talking with each other. He started sending me these cheesy messages. His proposal, however, was very unique. He sent me this message on 24th December in which a boy asks a girl for her picture and when the girl asks why, he replies, 'I need the picture to show Santa what I want for Christmas.' The next day was the 25th of December. I genuinely asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he replied, 'You.' 

He could have called me on ANY day, except the 19th but, when two people are destined to be together, fate works out in their favour anyway. This makes us believe in destiny.

We were in a long distance relationship the entire time; we had those hidden phones (that our families had no idea about) and we used to recharge 501 rupees unlimited pack, just to talk to each other. 

One day, he started narrating this childhood event of his. In the year 1993, when he was in nursery, he had won the “Little Prince Charming Cuttack” award. He was given a bone China shoe, a sash and a crown. The lady-in-charge asked him to go find his “Princess” one day. In the crowd, he saw a girl, dressed as the "Little Cinderella" and holding the other shoe of the pair. Right now, Mr. Srivastava is married to his “Princess”. Yeah, it was us who were the winners of that event.

Moreover, this contest was held in December, 1993. We discovered this after 2 years of our relationship. This is how fairytales also worked their magic, when it came to us. Even, our families found it impossible to believe. All in all, we had a smooth ride. Our families were very embracing of us.

We got married in December, 2014 (which, by the way, he still forgets). December is our Happy Month. We are going strong up till now and we believe we will make it to the end, hand in hand.”

 – Alka Rath (The better Storyteller among the two of us)

Taju

“I was about three years old, when my father was an ordinary worker in Cuttack. I was very attached to him. My memories as a toddler are faint but I remember how he carried me on his firm shoulders. And there was this one time when an ant bit me on my forehead and he was so angry, he sent my mother to her place for a day because of her carelessness…(laughs) He loved me that much, after all. But then he soon died in a mishap when my younger sister was still in my mother’s womb. My mother was merely at the tender age of thirteen at that time so her family decided that she should 

start a new family elsewhere. So it was agreed upon the fact that my father’s family will keep me and they will let my mother and the younger daughter go. So, I stayed at my father’s place, where I was born and my mother was soon married off in some other family.

I was so much pampered with love as a kid that after these incidents, I often used to look at the 

other kids of my family and think, “Why do I not receive this kind of love anymore? “. Apart from 

that, they used to beat me, made me run errands for the household, never allowed me to go to 

school even. When I grew up a little, I came to know that they weren’t my parents. We were in 

Jajpur town then and the neighbors gave me directions to my mother’s residence and off I went. The moment my mother saw me from a distance, she came to me rushing and kissed me everywhere. At that point I realized, she must be my mother, this must be how a mother’s warmth feels like. A mother’s love is different from all others, isn’t it? I stayed with my mother’s new family for sometime until I was faced with brutal behavior, just like previous times. My mother couldn’t help me too. So later, my grandmother (who loved me a lot) took me with her to my village in Rourkela. I started studying there at a headmaster’s house, where I later helped him in his house chores. 

One evening, when I had been doing the washing at the headmaster’s house, I slipped and fell off the stairs and broke my femur bone. The treatment was delayed since there was no money. Some neighbors helped and I was finally operated by Dr. Sanatan Rath. However, after the operation, my parts below the waist got paralyzed. 

But I am really grateful to God that I am alive today and honestly, I don’t take this to heart or let my disability affect me in any way. I still think I am very able like any normal human being. I help the nuns here in whatever way I can. I sometimes sew. I like singing, listening to the radio and petting my two cats right here.

When I came to Daya Ashrama, it took me some time to understand that even if I might not have a family, God is always there for me. The doctors had said I wouldn’t live for more than a year but here I am, haha. I am a Muslim girl but here I have been praying to Lord Jesus and I don’t think there’s any difference. God is one and I am grateful to Him, today. 

My mother still comes to visit me along with my sister and stepbrother. At first, I was reluctant to 

meet them. I used to tell her, had she been there with me, all this would not have happened. But 

now I just think it was all fated and it’s okay. I am at a good place now with amazing company and I like it here. No matter what, life goes on and we should focus on the brighter side, always!" 

-Taju

Arya Senapati

" 'So salty that Gandhi would start a march for me' is the line I made up for my Instagram bio to draw attention. Growing up queer in a small town Convent school, attention has been a constant part of my life. May it be getting it unwarranted when the bully at the playground asks you to go play with the girls (which of course is more fun and the gossip sessions are pretty amazing, I swear) or when the teacher strikes your name off the competitors list for the elocution competition because your hand gestures are too effeminate ( I am national debate winner now, so ---- it, sir). There has always been stares of disgust, ridicule or mere ignorance and confusion but the struggle of coming out of the closet as well the pile of not clothes but insecurities accumulated inside it brings a different kind of attention with it, in forms of care and protection provided by my best friend or acceptance and checking up by my brother or love and affection provided by my squad group, things are slowly changing these days but not entirely. It's still a blow in the eye to read a news headlines that says "The Government denies granting same sex marriage right" (Translation: bigotry is more important than identity). Put yourself in my shoe, imagine you love your country and want to stay here but some people in it and it's Govt have a problem with who you say "I do" to. It's almost disheartening. The fight is long but we should always remember, there's rainbow waiting at the end of rain and with even a handful of people listening to your story, taking out time to read this blog and empathizing and supporting, the end of tyranny looks close. "

-Arya Senapati.